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What do you think of when you hear the word deference? Does it have positive or negative connotations to you? The noun deference is simply defined as “humble submission and respect”. Personally, I’ve been battling with this word my entire life.

I have three siblings, one younger than me and two older so, technically, I am the middle child. I took the role of middle child seriously and made it my duty to keep peace in the family. I deferred to my parents and my older siblings in order to avoid conflict. I deferred to my family, friends and intimate partners, not so much out of respect but because it seemed like the easier path to follow. It was easier for me to act submissively, but it came with an edge. My d… Read More

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